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Library/ A Parade of Horribles
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Earlier appearances

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character

Dong Quixote

Dong

The dying stripper-knight who rode his reunited lover into the god of war on a lowered lance — a good death, and a hero's end.

Story so far

Dong Quixote meets a glorious end. With Corcunda whole again but marked for death by the war-god Grull — who will only leave once the mantaur is 'properly smited' — and with his own health all but gone from the Separation Anxiety curse, Dong chooses to make the sacrifice a shared one. Refusing to be parted again, he draws from his inventory the massive lance he hasn't wielded since Carl first gave him the fateful Sock, declares 'It's been a long time since I've tilted a giant,' and mounts Corcunda's back as the mantaur kneels to be 'ridden one last time.' Princess Donut casts Big-Ass Magnet on his lance; as the pair charge Grull, every screw within two hundred meters rips through the slag elementals and clears their path, then peppers the riders by the thousand.

Roaring in triumph, Dong drives the lance into the god of war, who rumbles 'A good death indeed' and vanishes. Dong Quixote dies as he lived — devoted, theatrical, unbroken — bidding the crew farewell: 'It was my pleasure to serve with them. Vale to you all.

Vale.' The aging Penis Parade dancer the world deemed unworthy of love died a knight, beside the one he loved.

Appearance

An aging, balding Penis Parade stripper of lean dancer's build, greyed by his curse but blazing with resolve, wearing only Corcunda's parting scarf, hefting a massive lance one-handed.

Role

The dying stripper who tilts at and slays-by-sacrifice the god of war, dying a hero beside his reunited lover.

Relationships

Corcunda — His reunited lover, whom he rides into Grull, choosing to die together rather than part.
Grull — The war-god he charges and lances, satisfying the death that sends the deity away.
Princess Donut — Casts Big-Ass Magnet on his lance to carry him through the elementals; grieves him deeply.
Carl — Whose gift of the sock doomed him, but who honors him as 'a goddamned hero.'

Earlier in this series

Also appears in books you've already read — spoiler-safe to their endings:

Sources — 5 recorded facts, by chapter
Chapter 13
  • A party crewmember who helps wrangle Mongo and Rend into their new pet hats in the garage.
Chapter 15
  • A party NPC crewmember who endlessly talks about his long-lost best friend — revealed to be the half-mantaur Corcunda.
Chapter 26
  • A stripper NPC crewmember pining for his split-in-half lover Corcunda — and secretly being consumed by his sapient sock.
Chapter 68
  • The dying stripper who holds his lover's two halves together through the fusion, weeping 'I got you, and I will never let go again.'
Chapter 69
  • The dying stripper-knight who rode his reunited lover into the god of war on a lowered lance — a good death, and a hero's end.
Character sheet
LitRPG stats — unique to this series. Other books surface a different panel here.
NPC crew (stripper) LVL unknown
Skills & spells
  • mounted lance charge
Notable gear
  • massive lance
  • Corcunda's scarf
Character portrait