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Generic faction illustration for Penis Parade Mercenaries
faction

Penis Parade Mercenaries

Desperado Club Performers · Stripper Mercenaries

The retained Desperado Club staff train as a varied mercenary unit with melee, magic, healing, and control specialties.

Story so far

The former performers and support staff occupy the guild's Mercenary Arcade. Repeated lethal drills reveal a broader combat roster than their club roles suggested.

Dong Quixote uses a lance and seeks a mount; Author Steve Rowland favors a club; Gluteus Maxx punches with twin war gauntlets; Splash Zone is a strong water mage; Bucket Boy provides healing; and Doctor Bones supplies crowd control and Conscript.

Carl watches their efficiency, then locks them in the arcade for a secret team-building exercise. Because only barracks residents train and gain levels, their presence also consumes most of the guild's current capacity.

Appearance

A bizarre mixed unit of former entertainers posing with lance, club, gauntlets, water magic, healing bucket, and skeletal bard.

Role

The group gives the Royal Court a flexible, already loyal NPC force whose value grows through arcade training.

Relationships

Carl — He retains, evaluates, and secretly employs the group.
Mercenary Arcade — They train and regenerate through its lethal exercises.
Doctor Bones — Their former DJ becomes the collaborator in Carl's hidden plan.
Mercenary Barracks — Their housing uses most current communal capacity.
Sources — 1 recorded facts, by chapter
Chapter 54
  • The retained Desperado Club staff train as a varied mercenary unit with melee, magic, healing, and control specialties.
Character portrait