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Library/ The Butcher's Masquerade
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Generic creature illustration for Funeral Bells
creature

Funeral Bells

funeral bell guards

The town's guards, so immune to poison that shelling them with it is a joke.

Story so far

The Funeral Bells are what stands between Point Mongo and the High Elves' bombardment, and their value is established entirely by contempt. Clint Smashgrab reports that the elves built some sort of magical trebuchet or catapult in the woods and are lobbing poison bombs at the town — poison bombs, he says, against funeral bell guards. It is like trying to attack a mongoliensis by throwing sausages at it. Idiots.

The implication is that the town's guard force is either wholly immune to poison or actively nourished by it, so the ordnance being spent on them is worse than useless. The attack still shakes buildings and rattles the Personal Space, so the explosive component is real; it is the payload that is wasted. The elves are firing from a long way off and nobody knows how many of them there are, which leaves the guards absorbing hits they cannot answer.

Appearance

Not described directly here; known this chapter through their reputation as guards on whom poison is entirely wasted.

Role

Point Mongo's guard force, currently absorbing a poison bombardment that cannot harm them.

Relationships

Point Mongo — The town they guard, now under long-range fire.
High Elves — Being shelled by them with exactly the wrong ammunition.
Clint Smashgrab — Explains their immunity while mocking the elves for not knowing it.
Sources — 6 recorded facts, by chapter
Chapter 2
  • Eight-foot humorless mushroom guards who protect the sixth floor's smaller settlements day and night.
Chapter 7
  • Mushroom-people guards who patrol the bugbear town at night and deactivate its traps as they go.
Chapter 10
  • Level 90 mushroom-people guards with flat white faces and long spears who police the Ursine settlement's gates.
Chapter 11
  • Silent mushroom-people who serve as Point Mongo's fifty-odd town guards under Donut's command.
Chapter 12
  • Two of the town's looming funeral bells stand over Mongo's collapsed body in the street.
Chapter 21
  • The town's guards, so immune to poison that shelling them with it is a joke.
Character portrait